On Your Knees Page 18

  The tenderness in her gaze melted his heart. “I know.”

  “Why are you so stinkin’ understanding?”

  “Well,” she looked away from him as she formed her thoughts, “because I care about you. And while I by no means approve of your behavior, which you know—”

  He nodded.

  “I care about you. Just like Christ cares about me, no matter what I do, He still loves me. He can’t stand my sin, but that’s why He died for us. He loves us despite our sin.”

  He pressed his lips together. He didn’t know what to do with what she said. He knew the truth behind her words, but could he accept it?

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get preachy.”

  “You’re fine. It’s not preachy. I know your heart, and it’s just who you are.”

  She squeezed his arm before releasing it. The two of them set about making dinner in silence. But once they sat down next to one another at the little square table he knew from the pensive look on Ella’s face that they weren’t done with the hard conversations. He popped the cap off his bottle of beer and took a long swig.

  “Adam, why did you walk away from Christ? I saw you walk up the aisle at camp that summer between our fifth-grade years. Or was that not genuine?”

  He covered his mouth to keep from spitting out the beer. The girl didn’t beat around the bush. “I don’t know, on both accounts. I guess it was real. I thought so, but it never sunk in I guess.” He took another long swig of his beer and thought about her first question.

  She picked up her fork and stabbed a piece of chicken but kept her gaze glued on him. He wanted to squirm, but something about her settled his spirit.

  “I guess I started walking away when my dad… when my dad made a fool of himself. I just didn’t understand how a so-called believer could do that.”

  “It seems like that happens more often than it should. I guess all those hours in the church just the two of them…”

  He shook his head. “It’s a stupid cliché! I just couldn’t stand the hypocrisy of it all. He preached against infidelity but ran off to Atlanta with the stupid secretary!” He chugged the last of his beer.

  Ella reached across the table and took his other hand and squeezed it.

  “I guess if I boiled it down, I didn’t want to be a hypocrite like my dad, so I decided it was easier to just not be a Christian and live however I wanted.”

  The conversation was getting too intense for his liking. He didn’t want to let go of Ella’s hand, but he had to get up. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze before pulling his away. He stood up with a weak smile and went into the kitchen. He needed another beer.

  Ella watched Adam pull another bottle of beer from the fridge. I guess two isn’t anything to worry about… Had she pushed too much? No, he needed to talk about these things whether he wanted to or not. But it grieved her to hear him imply walking away from Christ was easy. She couldn’t imagine. Christ was her anchor; she would never have been able to make it through the last seventeen years without Him.

  Adam sat back down, and they didn’t say much as they ate the rest of their dinner. They cleared the table, and the quietness continued to linger. Ella carried the casserole dish to the sink, and intentionally bumped into Adam.

  “Oh, sorry.” He finally looked her in the eyes.

  She smiled and shook her head. His eyes softened, and his smile returned. He slid his arm across her shoulders and gave her a little squeeze. Her hands were full, so she simply leaned in but didn’t linger.

  “Thanks for dinner, Adam.”

  “My pleasure. Thanks for putting up with me.”

  “My pleasure.”

  They settled in the living room. Adam noodled on his acoustic guitar, and Ella worked on grading papers. Rusty curled up at Ella’s feet. The scene was surreal. This was exactly the picture she had imagined as a child of what adult life would be like. Only difference was the path that brought them here. In her childhood image, they would have been married with a few children running around by the time they were the age they were. None of the heartache, trauma, and turmoil the two of them had experienced would have happened. But it had happened. God had brought them down a very different path than either of them had ever imagined.

  “You aren’t getting much grading done.” Adam’s voice snapped her out of her daydream. “You okay?”

  “Yeah, just thinking about how this,” she motioned around them, “is exactly the scene I imagined as a kid. You with your guitar, me sitting on the couch, Rusty at my feet…”

  “Me too. Not exactly how I thought it would happen. I thought you’d be my wife…”

  Rusty jumped on the couch knocking Ella’s papers everywhere interrupting their moment. “Rusty!” she yelled but the dog just stuck his head between the curtains and barked uncontrollably.

  Adam dropped his guitar onto the stand. He jumped up and reached for Ella. She took his hand, and he pulled her across the room and into the hallway at the center of the house. He dropped her hand, put his left arm in front of her, and tucked her behind himself. His right hand rested on his pistol.

  She gripped his hand again, but more tightly and with both of hers. “Adam?” Her voice shook.

  “Shh,” he said softly. “Rusty likes to bark, but not like that.”

  After a few minutes Rusty stopped barking and trotted over to them. “Everything clear, boy?” Adam knelt and petted the dog.

  “Do you think he knows where I am?” Her vision tunneled. “He’s out there.”

  “I don’t know. It’s… Ella?”

  “Adam—” She dug her fingers into his shoulder.

  “We got this.” He stood and turned to fully face her. He flipped the hall light on and placed his hand on her shoulders. She jumped. But he started singing. “Oh, Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling.” His rich baritone beckoned her back and soothed her nerves. “From glen to glen, and down the mountain side.”

  The tunnel opened, and she locked eyes with Adam. The memories vanished.

  “The summer’s gone, and all the roses falling.” They smiled at one another.

  Ella took a stabilizing breath, and Adam kept singing.

  “It’s you, it’s you must go and I must bide.” He reached the end of the song. “You okay?”

  “Thanks to you.”

  He rubbed her arms. “Anytime!” He walked to the window where Rusty had barked and looked out between the curtains into the dusk of the evening.

  Ella took a few steps forward but waited for Adam’s assessment before she moved further.

  Rusty jumped up on the couch next to him and growled out the window.

  A shudder worked its way across Adam’s shoulders. He rubbed the dog’s back. “I know, boy.” He stood and walked back towards Ella. “I hate that man! If he shows his face around here…”

  “Don’t go there.”

  “Fine.” He said it, but she didn’t believe him. With heavy steps he stormed off to the kitchen. She didn’t like how his mood had changed so quickly. She understood he was angry, she was too. What bothered her more was how his breath still reeked of alcohol.

  She walked over to the couch and picked up and sorted her papers that Rusty had scattered everywhere. Clearly, she needed to use paper clips around this dog. He poked his head into her face. She smiled at him and ruffled his fur. “You silly dog!”

  She was vaguely aware that Adam had come back into the room and plopped into the chair behind her. She sat back on the couch and turned her head towards Adam. He set an empty beer bottle on the end table and opened yet another.

  “Adam!”

  “What?” Apathy speckled his voice.

  “I think you’ve had enough.”

  “Not nearly.”

  “No, I’m serious. You’ve had enough to drink.” She stood up and took the two steps necessary to put her right in front of Adam. Without hesitating she grabbed the beer from his hand and took it to the kitchen.

  “What are you doing?” He
followed her.

  Good. She wanted him to see. Without words she looked at Adam to be sure he was watching and emptied the full bottle of beer into the sink. She set the empty bottle on the counter and looked back at Adam, who just stood there, mouth agape. She walked over to him and took his hand. “You will not drink yourself stupid around me. This is not the solution, Adam.”

  Adam walked into the empty conference room Tuesday morning, spent. This case was taking an emotional toll on him. After Caleb picked Ella up last night, he had spent time wrestling with all they had talked about. He had wanted to drown it all in a bottle of liquor, but he didn’t. Instead he had sat down at the piano and tinkered around. He had tried to sleep, but it hadn’t happened. It was as if an unseen force was calling his name. But he ignored it. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe in God. He knew the truth; he just wasn’t ready to live it out. He could do this on his own… couldn’t he? He was beginning to doubt that.

  “Jamison.” Adam looked up at Becca who followed him into the conference room.

  “Hey.” He tossed his messenger bag in a chair and took off his hat.

  “You all right?” She cocked her head to the side slightly.

  “Sure. We’re meeting in here, right?”

  “Yeah, in fifteen minutes.”

  “Okay. You have the files you pulled together yesterday? I can start looking through ‘em.”

  She held up the folder in her hand before she set it on the table. “Yeah, but not yet. Not ‘til you tell me what’s going on?”

  “I’m fine, Becca.”

  She took a step closer. “No, you’re not. You know you can’t lie to me. We’ve been friends for far too long for that.”

  “I just didn’t sleep well.”

  She crossed her arms. “Nope. Not buying it. There’s more to it.”

  “Fine.” He fiddled with his hat and tried to formulate his thoughts. “We’ve talked about this before, albeit a long time ago, but how do you reconcile being a Christian with still messing up? Why bother trying to follow Him if you know you’re just going to screw up again?”

  She looked back at him with wide eyes and mouth agape.

  “Ha. A little weightier than you expected, huh?” He gave her a wry smile.

  “You could say that… Well…” She uncrossed her arms and looked up before looking him in the eye. “Because the more closely I follow Jesus the easier it is to say no to temptation. Not saying it is easy, just easier than it would be without Him. Because there is more joy and peace in being in a relationship with Him.” She paused. Her eyes narrowed and searched Adam’s face. “Let me ask you this. Do you view me as a hypocrite?”

  “No.”

  “But I still mess up. Just last night I completely lost my temper with Callie.” She shook her head and dropped her shoulders. “I totally yelled, no, I screamed at her. Is that the Christian thing to do?”

  “No.”

  “Exactly. We can never be completely Christ-like this side of Heaven. Look at it this way.” She steepled her fingers in front of her mouth before speaking again. “Think about you and Ella. You two are getting really close; you can’t hide that, if you’re trying, you’re doing a miserable job… but anyway, let’s say you two continue to get closer. Well, you want to be continually building into that relationship, right?”

  “Of course.”

  “Okay, but what if she goes out and let’s say, lies to you about something. Do you still want the relationship? Do you want her to still walk through life with you?”

  “Yes. Nothing she could do would change the way I feel about her.”

  “Does Ella sinning against you make her a hypocrite if she tells you she loves you?”

  “No, she just messed up. I’m sure there could be times when I don’t like what she does, but I would still love her.”

  “Exactly. That’s how God feels about us, about you, Adam. Even when we screw up, He loves us and wants to walk through life with us. And you know what?” Tears glistened in her eyes. “His mercies are new every morning. Every single day He gives the grace we need. Just like He said, His grace is sufficient for me and for you.”

  Becca’s words hung in the air and seemed to beckon his heart. But before he could process further Jared, Amelia, and Gavin all came in the conference room chatting loudly. Becca reached out and squeezed Adam’s arm and gave him a warm smile.

  “This case is officially closed doors.” Jared pulled out a chair and sat; everyone else did the same. “We don’t talk about it outside of a closed room. Always be sure of your audience and keep it need-to-know only.”

  They all nodded.

  “All right,” Jared folded his hands on the table. “What do we have from yesterday? Any leads on who could have stolen the evidence or tamper with the files?”

  “Well,” Amelia started, “Becca and Gavin and I went through personnel files yesterday afternoon of every single person that works in this building and each came up with a list of red flags. Even just minor flags.”

  Becca said, “We need to compile our lists and dig a little deeper.”

  “All right, let’s do it,” Adam said.

  The five traded lists around and discussed what they knew about the different individuals.

  Adam sighed as his eyes fell on a familiar name.

  “What is it, Jamison?” Amelia asked.

  “A repeat from Thursday’s short list.”

  “You mean,” Jared said, “that someone who was on the camera on Thursday is on this list?”

  “Who?” Gavin said. His brow was furrowed.

  “Patrick North.”

  “Isn’t that Jocelyn’s husband?” Jared asked.

  Becca nodded. “I put him on there because he has a history of losing his temper, and he’s been divorced. Our criteria for putting anyone on the list was that they had two of the traits Adam outlined in his profile.”

  “That’s pretty broad criteria,” Adam said.

  “Yeah, but he’s also the right age. He was 23 seventeen years ago, right in the middle of the age range you suggested.”

  Jared asked, “What was the research that gave you the age range again, Jamison?”

  He answered, “As a power-assertive rapist, like he was back then, he would have targeted women in his own age range. Ella being the anomaly since she was only 16. The rest were later teens or early twenties.”

  “And Patrick lived here?” Amelia asked.

  “Yeah,” Gavin answered. “His dad was a police lieutenant back in the day.”

  “What?” Jared said, “You’re telling me that our current person of interest is the son of a former police lieutenant? Wife to our forensic photographer? Which makes him related to one of the detectives on this case? Oh, and he’s a cop himself?”

  “Yep.” Adam pressed his lips together and huffed.

  “Well, before we press this any further is there anyone else that stands out as a stronger candidate?” Jared asked.

  They spent another twenty or so minutes throwing around a few other names off of their lists, but no one else stood out as strong as Patrick. So, they had to investigate his cousin’s husband.

  “So, since we’ve got nothing else to go on, let’s talk about Officer North,” Becca said.

  Adam kept his mouth shut. Ever since Jocelyn started dating him eight years ago, he hadn’t liked him. The man was arrogant and chauvinistic. Jocelyn deserved better. He didn’t have any proof, but he was pretty sure Patrick was abusive. Jocelyn had never sported any physical evidence, but he could sense that something wasn’t right in their marriage.

  Amelia’s voice interrupted his thoughts, “Riley, you know Patrick well, don’t you?”

  Gavin nodded. “Yeah, we rode together quite a bit when I was a uniform, but we go further back than that. Served in the Army together, including a few tours in the Middle East.”

  “What can you tell us about him? Anything that stands out about him that makes our suspicion founded?”

  “He’s alwa
ys had a short fuse. Let’s see, I met him pretty soon after I enlisted, so fifteen years ago; he had already been in for a couple of years.”

  Jared looked at his laptop. “According to his file, he enlisted seventeen years ago as of this coming January.”

  Becca looked up. “Really?”

  Jared nodded.

  That timing did nothing for a case for Patrick’s innocence.

  “Well, while serving with him, I got to know him decently, we became friends, I guess. His anger has gotten him in trouble more than once. He was also a bit of a lady’s man. Back in our army days he was known to take a prostitute.”

  Adam’s stomach churned. Not something he wanted to hear… Jocelyn deserved so much better. Why had she married such a creep?

  Gavin continued, “He’s pretty stuck on himself. And definitely likes to think he’s better than everyone else.”

  Jared asked, “What can you, and you too, Adam, what can you tell us about his marriages?”

  “This is so weird,” Becca said, “I feel like we’re invading Jocelyn’s privacy on this.”

  Amelia replied, “I know, but what other choice do we have?”

  Adam sighed. “We don’t. Everyone knows that I’ve never thought very highly of my cousin’s husband. I don’t know much about his first marriage. I don’t even think Jocelyn knows much about it. But I do know that I’ve never liked the way he treats her, always talking down to her and trying to control so much of what she does. He never puts her needs before his own. I’m surprised he actually let’s her go to church and stuff like that.”

  “That’s pretty new, really,” Becca said. “While she’s always been able to come to our Bible study group all the time, she used to only make it to church if Patrick was on duty, but lately she’s been coming almost every Sunday.”

  Jared said, “I suppose that could indicate that he’s busy with something else…”

  Adam watched Gavin. The detective had slouched down in his chair slightly, as if pulling back from the conversation. “Riley,” Adam said. Gavin looked up at his eyes wide as if caught in the headlights. What did he know about Patrick and Jocelyn that he wasn’t sharing? Adam would ask him about it later. “Do you know anything about the first wife?”